Not sure why I am putting this out here.? Maybe for healing as I try to accept the forgiveness I know God has so freely given.? Maybe for comfort in just sharing my story with the heartache I have put so many through.? Or maybe as warning to some and hope to others.? I know that my only hope is in God.? I must trust his promise that all things work together for good to those who love him.
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I was the one who repeatedly cheated on my wife.? I was the one who was judgemental of her for many years.? I was the one who was controlling for many years.? I was arrogant and proud.? Not knowing about the affairs she finally had enough and said "I love you, but I am not in love with you anymore".? And she did not know about the affairs when she said this.? God hardened her heart toward me to bring me to a crossroad of life.? Do I confess, repent and walk in obedience to Him, or do I continue to live my own life in defiance to God.? Thankfully he caused my confession and repentence.? Eventually God's word and I am convinced the Holy Spirit moved me (hard lesson to defy the Holy Spirit-wow) to bring full confession to the affairs, first to church leadership, then my wife, then my children.? My wife has been gracious, and with godly counsel is working on forgiveness of me because that is what Christ commands.? This will be very difficult for her, impossible without God's intervention.? I will say that without God's miraculous intervention I probably would still be living in sin.? My wife wants to work on the marriage if only for our children's sake.?? Which isn't a bad thing considering what I have done to her over the years.? At least there might be some time to show true repentence and humility.
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The adage always says "if I had to do it all over again....".? But that is not possible so it doesn't help to look back with "what if" scenarios.? I do beleive it is appropriate to remember for avoidance in the future, and to know that reliance on God going forward is the only way to have hope.
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From an eternal perspective, God's hardening of my wife's heart was the best thing that ever happened to me.? I do have to deal with the consequences of my sin including anguish, embarassment, hurting my wife and kids.? Confession and repentence do not promise us that we will avoid consequences (see King David).? But confession and repentence do promise us God's forgiveness, God's grace, and being able to trust in his promises throughout scripture.
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My wife is reeling and taking some time away from me.? Church leadership and close friends have shown support and grace, only becasue of godly repentence.? My wife's close friends, while very angry, will eventually show grace and forgive as they are godly women.? My wife has much to absorb, and only with God's grace and love will she be able to forgive, and hopefully move toward reconciliation at some point.
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Satan is trying to destroy this marriage and family.? Have no doubt that he started a long-time ago with my pride and arrogance.? Now, with God's help and biblical counseling I am trying to walk in humility, serving my family as best possible.? I must be patient in God's timing, prayerful and wait on the power of the Holy Spirit to move.? I must also continue to grow closer to God in my daily walk so that if/when she is ready, that I will be ready to reconcile and love her the way Christ loves the Church.
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I haven't read too many of these situations on various websites to where the offending spouse committed adultery yet confessed and has since exhibit many months of the "fruit of repentence".? Yet the offended spouse was already hardened before that revelation, maybe more so now.? The offending spouse wants reconciliation, but the offended spouse would not want this except for the impact to the kids for sure, and maybe some basic but limited (right now) desire to follow God's word on forgiveness and reconciliation.? So the prodigal/offending spouse is standing, which is challenging since in all human perspectives, the offending spouse has no right to stand.? I hear som many stories to where the godly spouse stood for the prodigal to come home.? But under God's grace, as the prodigal who returned do I have a right to stand for my marriage?? Stand on God's promises despite my sin and causation of this situation?
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Is there any encouragement you can give me?? Similar stories?? Is there an direction and biblical advice you can give me?
Source: http://www.focusonlinecommunities.com/thread/24782
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